求批：In order to become financially responsible adults, children should manage
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题目：In order to become financially responsibleadults, children should manage their own money at the young age.
自己试着精写了一篇，跟人感觉还是欠批。尤其第一段让步段，感觉字数要比后边两段还多，不知道如何修改了。求达人帮助，并给估个分。
The issue of how to guide children to become financially responsible adults has drawn the public attention for a long while. Some people believe that to enhance children's responsibility in finance, parents should allow them to arrange their money by themselves at an early age without supervising. From my perspective, although it brings a few benefits, I don't agree with this statement.
Admittedly, by managing their own money, Not only can kids have a basic understanding of money concept, but they also can learn about how to rationally spend them on higher priority stuffs rather than those which has little usefulness. Take my cousin’s little son for example. Before having money under his own control, he always was trying to ask mother to buy anything what he saw and liked disregarding its price, which might be a few dozen or hundreds of dollars cost. This is because he was lack of radical knowledge of money so that it seems to him that there is no difference between one dollar and one hundred dollars. Another reason is that he thought the money is infinite. If needed, just ask parent for it. Yet, after permitted to be in charge of his pocket money with one dollar coming in every day at the age of ten, he began to save money on food expense and to prioritize the things what he thought to be necessary to buy at the same time. Once the money is sufficient, he was going to purchase the most priority stuff. Apparently, by managing his pocket money, he became financially responsible. However, most of the time, it’s not the case in reality.
For one thing, children often blow their money without parent’s supervising. At school , when a vainglorious little girl sees some classmate playing with a Barbie doll that she never had, she would purchase the same one with her cumulative monies. A little boy, who is a crazy comic fan, would put all the saved money on the latest comic books that he has been following after as he is wandering in a bookstore. Furthermore, most of teenagers with monies under their own control, because of lack of self-discipline, could be more likely to spend all of them on candies or other sweet foods, which can decay their teeth.
For another, there are better ways for youngsters to enhance their financial responsibility. Parents can be the excellent role models. Watching a frugal mom comparing prices in grocery stores, a kid would learn how to lead a more economical life. Similarly, a dad, who uses coupons and knows bargain tricks can show his child possible ways of saving money as well. In addition, children could also learn financial knowledge by attending such courses which is held by school. An Investment and Financing course could teach children how to make their money become value-added in future through some investment approaches.
All in all , despite a few merits, keeping money by children brings about more potential harms. The children’s financial responsibility can be fostered by other means undoubtedly.
自己试着精写了一篇，跟人感觉还是欠批。尤其第一段让步段，感觉字数要比后边两段还多，不知道如何修改了。求达人帮助，并给估个分。
The issue of how to guide children to become financially responsible adults has drawn the public attention for a long while. Some people believe that to enhance children's responsibility in finance, parents should allow them to arrange their money by themselves at an early age without supervising. From my perspective, although it brings a few benefits, I don't agree with this statement.
Admittedly, by managing their own money, Not only can kids have a basic understanding of money concept, but they also can learn about how to rationally spend them on higher priority stuffs rather than those which has little usefulness. Take my cousin’s little son for example. Before having money under his own control, he always was trying to ask mother to buy anything what he saw and liked disregarding its price, which might be a few dozen or hundreds of dollars cost. This is because he was lack of radical knowledge of money so that it seems to him that there is no difference between one dollar and one hundred dollars. Another reason is that he thought the money is infinite. If needed, just ask parent for it. Yet, after permitted to be in charge of his pocket money with one dollar coming in every day at the age of ten, he began to save money on food expense and to prioritize the things what he thought to be necessary to buy at the same time. Once the money is sufficient, he was going to purchase the most priority stuff. Apparently, by managing his pocket money, he became financially responsible. However, most of the time, it’s not the case in reality.
For one thing, children often blow their money without parent’s supervising. At school , when a vainglorious little girl sees some classmate playing with a Barbie doll that she never had, she would purchase the same one with her cumulative monies. A little boy, who is a crazy comic fan, would put all the saved money on the latest comic books that he has been following after as he is wandering in a bookstore. Furthermore, most of teenagers with monies under their own control, because of lack of self-discipline, could be more likely to spend all of them on candies or other sweet foods, which can decay their teeth.
For another, there are better ways for youngsters to enhance their financial responsibility. Parents can be the excellent role models. Watching a frugal mom comparing prices in grocery stores, a kid would learn how to lead a more economical life. Similarly, a dad, who uses coupons and knows bargain tricks can show his child possible ways of saving money as well. In addition, children could also learn financial knowledge by attending such courses which is held by school. An Investment and Financing course could teach children how to make their money become value-added in future through some investment approaches.
All in all , despite a few merits, keeping money by children brings about more potential harms. The children’s financial responsibility can be fostered by other means undoubtedly.
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