Personal Statement 求指點
11120
最近開始動工申請, 目標是美國cs碩士。這個版本的personal statement是根據ucla給的寫作提示進行撰寫的, 想請各位前輩不吝指教。另外,想請問大家如果使用AI作文書的潤色/校稿是可以的嗎?因為擔心AI率的問題。
UCLA的提示是:
Please respond to one or more of the following prompts, including at least one prompt speaking to your contributions to diversity. Your statement can be up to 500 words in length (approximately 1-page, single spaced, using 1-inch margins and 12-point font).
我的PS如以下:
The cultural expectations I grew up with discouraged me from pursuing leadership roles in STEM, a field traditionally seen as male-dominated. This bias was evident throughout my education, where both peers and teachers actively pushed girls away from leadership in STEM subjects even if I had superb achievements. I initially tried to prove my worth through performance, but constant failure undermined my confidence. Doubts about my abilities crept in, leading me to adopt a passive approach and even give up opportunities I had earned.
The lack of confidence caused hesitation when I needed to choose a university major. I initially refused to pursue a computer science major, fearing it would be too challenging. However, I eventually took a bold step by minoring in Computer Science and Information Engineering (CSIE) after progressing through more programming courses, where my true passion lies. I was still unconfident, so I worked a lot harder than others, spending more time discussing problems with professors. I improved my self-assurance as I excelled academically. Through this experience, I regard perseverance and industriousness as keys to overcoming barriers, and making progress boosts my confidence.
Despite the challenges of low self-assurance, challenges appeared when I took the initiative to serve as the team leader during my research project. Our team members were not used to being led by a female at first; they did not take my advice or opinions seriously. Yet, my superior skills made my arguments more persuasive and enhanced my confidence in leadership, and now our teammates value my opinions. I still believe that my professional capabilities are the best way to fight against prejudices, so I consistently enhance my professional skills and leverage my achievements to demonstrate my worth.
During my freshman year in college, I struggled to adapt to university life, suffering from feelings of loneliness and uncertainty about the future because I could not determine whether to pursue the field I truly enjoy. Without help from an upperclassman, I was not able to overcome these difficulties. I realized the hardships new students and unrepresentative groups face. To support them, I gave a speech to the new students, informing them of various academic resources available, internship opportunities, and suggestions for balancing coursework and attending to personal demands. After my speech, I noticed that many of them were unrelenting in their efforts to adapt, so I took matters into my own hands and established an assistance group that became a venue for students to assist each other with their courses, share experiences, and seek advice. I made myself available to offer advice where coursework proved difficult, fostering a supportive, inclusive environment.
In graduate school, I plan to grasp opportunities for academic collaboration and community involvement to enhance my skills while bringing voices for underrepresented groups. I also plan to establish support groups like the one I created during my undergraduate studies, helping those in need. I hope to empower others to thrive, ensuring that everyone has access to the resources and support they need to succeed.
感謝大家耐心看完,再次請大家給我建議,也祝大家一切順利
UCLA的提示是:
Please respond to one or more of the following prompts, including at least one prompt speaking to your contributions to diversity. Your statement can be up to 500 words in length (approximately 1-page, single spaced, using 1-inch margins and 12-point font).
- Are there educational, personal, cultural, economic, or social experiences, not described in your Statement of Purpose, that have shaped your academic journey? If so, how? Have any of these experiences provided unique perspective(s) that you would contribute to your program, field or profession?
- Describe challenge(s) or barriers that you have faced in your pursuit of higher education. What motivated you to persist, and how did you overcome them? What is the evidence of your persistence, progress or success?
- How have your life experiences and educational background informed your understanding of the barriers facing groups that are underrepresented in higher education?
- How have you been actively engaged (e.g., through participation, employment, service, teaching or other activities) in programs or activities focused on increasing participation by groups that have been historically underrepresented in higher education?
- How do you intend to engage in scholarly discourse, research, teaching, creative efforts, and/or community engagement during your graduate program that have the potential to advance diversity and equal opportunity in higher education?
- How do you see yourself contributing to diversity in your profession after you earn your advanced degree at UCLA?
我的PS如以下:
The cultural expectations I grew up with discouraged me from pursuing leadership roles in STEM, a field traditionally seen as male-dominated. This bias was evident throughout my education, where both peers and teachers actively pushed girls away from leadership in STEM subjects even if I had superb achievements. I initially tried to prove my worth through performance, but constant failure undermined my confidence. Doubts about my abilities crept in, leading me to adopt a passive approach and even give up opportunities I had earned.
The lack of confidence caused hesitation when I needed to choose a university major. I initially refused to pursue a computer science major, fearing it would be too challenging. However, I eventually took a bold step by minoring in Computer Science and Information Engineering (CSIE) after progressing through more programming courses, where my true passion lies. I was still unconfident, so I worked a lot harder than others, spending more time discussing problems with professors. I improved my self-assurance as I excelled academically. Through this experience, I regard perseverance and industriousness as keys to overcoming barriers, and making progress boosts my confidence.
Despite the challenges of low self-assurance, challenges appeared when I took the initiative to serve as the team leader during my research project. Our team members were not used to being led by a female at first; they did not take my advice or opinions seriously. Yet, my superior skills made my arguments more persuasive and enhanced my confidence in leadership, and now our teammates value my opinions. I still believe that my professional capabilities are the best way to fight against prejudices, so I consistently enhance my professional skills and leverage my achievements to demonstrate my worth.
During my freshman year in college, I struggled to adapt to university life, suffering from feelings of loneliness and uncertainty about the future because I could not determine whether to pursue the field I truly enjoy. Without help from an upperclassman, I was not able to overcome these difficulties. I realized the hardships new students and unrepresentative groups face. To support them, I gave a speech to the new students, informing them of various academic resources available, internship opportunities, and suggestions for balancing coursework and attending to personal demands. After my speech, I noticed that many of them were unrelenting in their efforts to adapt, so I took matters into my own hands and established an assistance group that became a venue for students to assist each other with their courses, share experiences, and seek advice. I made myself available to offer advice where coursework proved difficult, fostering a supportive, inclusive environment.
In graduate school, I plan to grasp opportunities for academic collaboration and community involvement to enhance my skills while bringing voices for underrepresented groups. I also plan to establish support groups like the one I created during my undergraduate studies, helping those in need. I hope to empower others to thrive, ensuring that everyone has access to the resources and support they need to succeed.
感謝大家耐心看完,再次請大家給我建議,也祝大家一切順利
